I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
