i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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