She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
