Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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