Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
