i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
