well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize