NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
