Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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