Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
