fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
