just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need to get me chipped asap
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
