You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize