I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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