well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
