Can Purell be used as lube?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
