wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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