are you still at the devil's house?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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