This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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