I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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