i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
