I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
