Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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