I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
