oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize