You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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