I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
