If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
