I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
