She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
