At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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