you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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