The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
