Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
