Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
