dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
