Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
