i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize