whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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