he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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