One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
