yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
