I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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