guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
