The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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