just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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