was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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