i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
