They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
