he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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