Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
