we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
