You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
