He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
