Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
