Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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