i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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