This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
