So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
