dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize