That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
