Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
