he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
