have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
