Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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