Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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