The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
