i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
