I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
