I will die if light touches me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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