kristin has been a bad kristin
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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