Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
