I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
