fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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