The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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