Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
