Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
