dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
