Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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