New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
