Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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