I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
