I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
