i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
