and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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